As an avid yoga attendee (I won’t dare call myself a Yogi just yet, perhaps I will when I can do a crow pose without falling on my face) I have seen and heard a lot of yoga no-no’s that seem to be fairly common occurrences. Sometimes, I’m in that thing they call a chi so they don’t bother me. But other times…these taboos enrage me out of that chi thing and all I can focus on is ripping that mat out from under that stupid face and laughing like a wild hyena while I do it. So, I’ve compiled a list of the things that yoga people do that piss me off, k? K…let’s go.
1. All up in my grill
Hey, I’m so glad that you like yoga and you seem like a real go-getter but there are four people in a class that can fit 50 so really, there is absolutely no need for you to position your soon-to-be sweaty ass approximately 1 foot away from my mat. This especially in a hot yoga room. Find your own space, and please, exit my personal bubble zone immediately. Thanks for comin’ out.
2. The Stagger
In the event that you find yourself in a full yoga room, and the teacher leads you to do a standing forward bend (to the side of your mat)…please, stagger yourselves! This means that the person in front of you is nearing the left edge of their mat, and you near the right edge of your mat instead. See picture above. No one wants a butt near their face, or face in their butt. Common sense, people!
3. There’s always one…
You know, I’ve found that there is always one in every class. That one that when the class is focusing on audible deep breathing, they’re up in the front doing some weird throat grunting, humming, snot draining type sound God knows what. Deep inside our chi zone we’re all laughing at you.
4. If you have gas, skip the class
Um, I’ve heard many people fart in class. I know it’s all human nature-ish and stuff, but it’s gross. Compound that gross-ness by 10,000 if in a hot room. Skip that chili on yoga day or don’t come out to play. Deal?
5. On that note- Hygiene is KEY
Just wash your junk, thoroughly, put on that pitt-stick and you’re good as gold. If you don’t, chances are you smell all sorts of funky and no one appreciates it.
6. Yoga is not your social hour
As much as I love hearing about that guy you went on the date with last night and omigod he’s just so cute— I don’t. Keep quiet, save it for after the class. On that note, if I’ve just entered the room and the class hasn’t started yet, and I’m practically sign languaging to my friend in effort to be respectful of those early starts, don’t hiss at me. The class hasn’t even begun, calm your jets Turbo!
That’s all I have for now, but seen as I go at least a few times a week, I always seem to come up with more, so I’ll be sure to update as I go.